sorry blogspot

but kirstenseptember.tumblr.com

i love my dad

This was our conversation in emails this morning (he works in I.T)-

me: doonntt forrgeettt to buyy my soundwwavee tickettt today!
dad: You're holding some of the buttons too long. A simple, light tap
should suffice.
me: oh, if that doesn't work I'll try turning it off and on again?
dad: Lol

I love learning.

But not the sort of things you learn at school. I like learning how to make daisy chains and how to make a pinhole camera and I like good ideas. I like learning things that I feel that I'll need later in life, I don't like learning about binomial probability and normal distribution. I wish my teachers could understand this.

thirty things about me, hah

01: I love Siamese cats, so much
02: I love Max Bemis, so much (but if you didn't know that, you probably aren't paying very much attention)
03: I'm left-handed
04: Getting ready for school in the morning is okay because while I do it I listen to Robbie, Mareke and the Doctor on JJJ
05: I'm half German, my great grandmother used to walk in the Black Forest every morning, and my great uncles fought in WWII
06: I'm already running out of things to say
07: I need glasses but I hardly ever wear them in public
08: I've been bitten with the travel bug
09: I can't stand having long fingernails, and I always look trashy with black or red nail polish
10: I don't believe in God
11: I really love seeing movies at the Rundle Street cinemas
12: My favourite type of date is probably dinner and a movie
13: I prefer winter over summer, and one day I wanna live in England
14: I'm not certain of anything, but I wouldn't have it any other way
15: English is the only subject I get A's in
16: My hair is naturally blonde and curly
17: People who haven't seen me for a few years generally don't recognise me
18: I like the smell of hair-dye, and the smell of a sauna
19: My first celebrity crushes were Harry Potter and Jesse McCartney
20: I don't really like myself
21: There are certain things I won't want to talk to you about
22: Jokes about suicide, homosexuality or Nazis will not be appreciated
23: I'm getting my braces off on November 11, I was meant to have them off in May
24: I don't really like many people, but that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person
25: I like karma
26: I like long, hot showers or baths
27: I love being cosy
28: I like spending time with my friends, but I also like going off by myself and doing what I want
29: I keep to myself at school
30: I already know where I want to live- in the loungeroom there's a feature wall that's exposed brick, one of the walls in the hallway is entirely made up with bookcase, there's lots of mementos everywhere, a slanted roof and Max Bemis in the bed.

decided two things this evening -

The first is that I'm going to teach myself how to survive without him, because if he can abandon me, I'll do the same to him.
The second is that I want to live in this house-









The fact that it's in Sweden makes it that much more appealing.
(stole the photos from here)

At the end of the day, the only person you'll always have is yourself. Sure, other people might tell you that they love you, they probably even mean it at some point too, but nobody sticks around forever. Husbands and wives divorce each other every day, and they all thought their marriages were forever. Over the course of a life you'll have different friends, different partners, different everything. Even familys change.

So, the only constant you have in your life is you. People say you live until you die, and the way I see it, the only thing constant in your life is that you're alive. And as long as you're alive you're going to be you. So you should look after yourself, have your own back because at the end of the day (the very end of the day, the end of your life, I mean), you're all you have.

That doesn't mean you should act selfishly though. I still believe in treating others as I'd like to be treated, and I can hardly bring myself to abuse anyone, if anything I'm a bit of a doormat. I love my friends and family, I'd do anything for them. I just ... when I'm alone in my bedroom I can't help but feel like I'm the only one I can trust. I don't mind, that though.
So, at least for the night, I give up on everyone and I'm just going to go curl up in bed with a wheatbag and my iPod. Goodnight.

I'm trying to convince myself

that it's worth it. Cause it's not, really, is it.
This is how I get when I redecorate my bedroom, a wreck. Is that wierd?

I hate my body.

Not because I'm insecure, well, yes because I'm insecure, but mainly because of how sick I feel this morning. It's a beautiful day outside and it's the second to last day of school holidays but I'm stuck in bed. All my joints ache and I feel hot on the outside and cold on the inside. This morning I drank half a cup of coffee and threw it up. My head is killing me, I felt like I was going to pass out when I walked to the couch and almost instantly fell asleep in front of the TV. Despite all of this I'm in a really good mood, my mind is good, it's just my body that needs to get better haha.

I just remembered

to eat and sleep.
I haven't slept since Thursday and I haven't eaten for about 24 hours. I'm not even tired or hungry, what the fuck is wrong with me.

//

You have no idea

how easily you tear down the wall I built out of "I'm over him" and "I don't care"s.
You still kill me every time.

I'm so in love with my new camera!

$5 from my local opp-shop, I'm so happy :)